Last week I tried to interview the Facility Manager of the new Wine Store aboard the base. It went from nice to nasty in about two minutes.
It was so ridiculous I decided to write a little satire story about it.
Disclosure: To protect the innocent, and the pure fact I respect people’s requests, the names of persons and places have been renamed. The Marine Corps Community Services (not renamed) will not allow any off base publication to disclose that is sells specific types of “alcohol”. You can say that it does, but not specific types.
However, they did not say you couldn’t give the origins of the “alcohol” sold. Ding ding!
I had a brief interview with the overlord whom I shall refer to as Androgynous Pat. Remember him/her from Saturday Night Live? You didn’t know what sex it was? Well, I do know what sex the overlord was but I will remain neutral. I know that Pat would have let me do and interview if it were possible, but the hands of the overly-protective MCCS clamped down on Pat’s hands.
I work my main job aboard a Southern California Marine Corps Base. I retired three years ago after 20 years of service, but I still love being among my brothers and sisters.
Recently, this base opened up a new store for “alcoholic” purchases. We will call this establishment Landing Zone Tango Victor (LZ TV). As I drove past LZ TV during lunch, I thought to myself, that is a perfect opportunity to give the outside world a look into what awesome “alcohol” is being offered to its service members, dependents, and retirees. By the way, we don’t pay state or federal sales tax on “alcohol” purchased aboard the base.
So I parked and pulled out my camera, put the flash on and checked the memory. It read -E-; what the hell? I had forgot to put my memory card back after I uploaded photos the day prior. Oh well, I set it back and went into LZ TV.
They have dramatically improved their selection from what I saw when they had their grand opening. New distributors were added.
I found Pat while perusing the establishment. I explained who I was, that I was a retired Marine, and what I had would like to do for an interview.
After that point it got pretty cold in there. I told Pat that not many people read the MCCS website for information (because it sucks) and that a lot of people review my site, I am in many social medias, such as twitter, face book, Open Wine Consortium, ewinjunkies, foodbuzz, etc.
After I was frisk searched for a camera (just kidding) Pat went on to say that MCCS does not allow outside media to disclose what they sell specifically, as they do not want to attract unwanted and unauthorized visitors.
You’re joking right? Everyone knows that in order to purchase anything on base you have to present your military I.D. No military identification = no purchase. Plus the fact that you just can’t waltz onto the base to buy anything without a sponsor.
Pat also went on to say that absolutely no photos are to be taken of LZ TV. Well golly, tt’s a good thing I forgot my memory card, hey?
The entire time Pat glared at me as if I had an alternative motive. Sorry to disappoint, but no. As LZ TV is located in a strip-mall I did have the inclination of taking a photo of the store directly to it’s left and right, but better sense took hold.
I informed Pat that I was quite impressed with the new selection of “alcohol” they offer. Selections include the origins of, oh, let’s say places like Lodi, Sonoma, Paso Robles, Napa, and Australia. Sonoma, Napa, and Australia was there before, but not the selections I now saw.
As I closed our ungainly colloquy, and chose the fastest route for my abandonment, I was reminded of Pat’s suspicion by the comment, “Do you have a military I.D.?” I looked at Pat and reminded that person that I was a retired Marine, and I would be back to purchase two “alcoholic” containers after I got off work, as I can’t bring them in my government office and it is too hot to store in my vehicle.
Sorry I couldn’t give a more insightful rendition of one thing the Department of Defense did well for a change, to afford its servicemen and women, their families, and retirees.
If, however, you want to know exact specifics I will gladly answer all emails with detail.
I tried to tell them I could spread the word light years faster than their website would, but would they listen? Nyet…
This is just amazing read so I just had to say thankyou.
Misha,
Thank you very much. Yes, it was quite and adventure to that store. Cheers!